How in the name of that green baby in a rush basket, floating down the rivers in Azeroth, am I supposed trance when half my face is erupting in agony?
So, I went for a cleaning two weeks ago. I was told I had cavities needing filled. Okay, so I go back to get them filled.
Except the needle going into my jaw starts panic attack no 1 cause it hits a nerve that makes me want to jump out of my skin. The dentist has a soothing voice, and it’s only the binaurals and Spitfire’s recorded voice that keeps me in the chair.
Then I hear, even over the sound of the music in my ears, the telltale snapping of holes being punched through a dental dam.
A DENTAL DAM????
I reach into my purse and grab a stuffy I can squeeze in my hand as they continue to set up to do what they are going to do. Dentist comes and goes. I put protective glasses on. I do this. I do that. I want to RUN. They add more freezing and I have to wait longer.
Then the dam goes into my mouth and I’m stuck with my mouth open. I am in full panic. I can’t get out of my seat, cause good drones comply and the words in my ears are telling me to obey. I know this is supposed to be good for me, but damn it. I want out of here!
The music calms me down. I can feel that my lips are stuck to the dam. It’s not latex. I can breathe around it. I’m able to breathe, and swallow. I don’t feel like I’m gagging, but I do.
Then the dentist gets to work. His pressure and pushing, I know he slid my jaw out of socket. It’s a condition I’ve had since I was a child. I don’t like gags cause of it.
And he’s done. Quicker than I thought he would be.
I find the stuffy on the floor. I had dropped it. When? I have no clue.
But I have to come back next week, because the cavity isn’t a cavity. I need another root canal. They give me a dental dam to play with to get over my fear of them.
It’s not working. But the silicon is fun to snap.
*sigh*
It was almost twenty years ago, but the fear is still there. I can still taste the latex in my mouth. My lips and tongue burning. I can still feel my lungs tightening up. I can stll remember the full on panic. I can still remember feeling off when he was done with my mouth.
I went camping a day or so later, and the first spots in my mouth started to pop up. Okay, canker sore. No big deal.
Except…
Two days later…
In the middle of the event…
I can’t even open my mouth.
I look in the mirror, somehow, to see what’s going on.
Those spots that were on the same place where the dam was? Yah… Every place inside my mouth the dental dam touched was blistered. Not a ton of tiny blisters, one giant blister. Inside and outside of right lower jaw, tongue, and more. One GIANT blister.
Off to the medics I go. Off to the hospital I get sent. I get patted on my head and sent back to camp. My friend who came with me tells the restaurant I can’t eat their food. They get me Carnation Instant Breakfasts and that’s all I eat for the remainder of the week long camping event.
And the next two weeks while my mouth heals.
I see the dentist while I still have the blisters and he says it wasn’t him. I never go back to see that one again.
Oh no… I’m not allergic to latex, says my OB about 5 years later when I’m pregnant with my son. I have to be _tested_ for it and he’s not willing to wait for the results. I end up with huge sores from his gloves between visits, and he says I have an STD and need to get tested.
Guess what – I am clear of all stds he tests me for, and he still wears latex.
I’m so glad he didn’t catch my son.
My sleep has been horrid the past few days. I can’t get comfortable sleeping. I get through my first two sets of the week. I have three more to do. UGH.
I can do them.
I got hired at _another_ club. I hope it pans out. I need just one place I can make bank at to pay for my stream to keep djing. Just one.
I tried to trance when Unity ran her drone and dolly trances. I couldn’t. I’m in too much pain. My whole right side of my face has exploded in agony. Eating hurts. Drinking hurts. Talking hurts. I need painkillers, but I don’t know what I should take.
I only have a few days to suffer through this. I’ve done worse.
Another root canal…
*sigh*
I really wanted to float with Unity’s words…
This sucks…
My life is a work of He.art 