By Deed or By Creed

Yet another post from Fetlife, from about a year ago.  I really wish they had exact dates there on Fetlife.  I had gotten an objectification pedestal when I wrote this.


EPVampire has barely had the chance to put my psyche back together again when he lost power at his place. Then he ended up sick.

I call it “manflu.” A flu so terrible, it turns men into whiny children who can’t do anything for themselves. Grown men become babies wanting the women around them to cater to their every sniffle. To feed them chicken soup and sympathy. A hot toddy or three.

Except I can’t do that.

I carry on in SL as normal. I get a new toy I love, except my collar loves it more and anytime I go near it, I’m caught.

Again.

And again….

@#(%@% Not AGAIN!

The only way to get out of it is to safeword. So I do. Repeatedly. @%@%@%*@ toy. If I didn’t like it so much, I’d pull it back into my inventory. @&%^@%^@% It GOT ME AGAIN!

RED!

So, I look through my collar controls, to turn RLV off, except I have no control over anything. So I try to turn it vanilla. Nope. Won’t do that. I try to unlock it. Nope. Not having that either.

@(&@%%@#@ Okay… this rlv capture thing is getting to me. RED FFS RED!

I bet EPVampire is going to love seeing all the “your submissive has safeworded. You should check on them” messages from it when he logs in.

I beat my collar into submission and hit the “runaway” button. It clears all owners and I can take the damn thing off cause it’s unlocked now.

And I do.

That’s when I realize it’s been over two weeks since he was last on. So I count the days… Yup. Two weeks. I send him a message.

OFFS! I didn’t mean to put that other collar on! RED RED RED!!! GAWDDAMNITTOHELL RED!!!! RUNAWAY!!!

Stupid outfits.

He replies to me. His actual lines from his house to the pole are down and it will be a few more days before he has net again and he’s really sick, but feeling better.

Except… I’m missing him so much, my stomach churns at the thought of another day without him.

“Leave me alone!” I say back.

And he does.

For days.

And days…

“When a sub says to her dom ‘leave me alone,'”says a friend, it means she needs him. “Mine always drops everything and is right there to find out what’s wrong and how he can help.”

I feel even more alone now…

18 days…

His skype answers and I don’t have to stare at a blank screen. awww… I get to watch him sleep for a couple of hours. Please wake up please wake up please wake up… is he jacking off in his sleep again???? GAWDDAMITSKYPE!!!! Why did you have to crash! I can’t get his skype to pick up again. FFS!

19 days…

20 days…

I look at the calendar… fast approaching is the anniversary of the day we met two years ago.

I rant at him. I give him an ultimatum.

He replies… “It really upset me when you said ‘leave me alone’ when I reached out to you…” Duh… I was upset.

I was in tears…

I wanted him…

I still want him.

“The meds are kicking my ass.”

My ass is being kicked by food poisoning, a migraine, and duh duh duh duh allergic reaction so bad, I thought I was dying. Note to self – replace Epipen

My doctor confirms food poisoning. My belly is so tender, I was in tears when he examined me. I need a break, doc says, so I can get over it. Brat diet too. Ugh.

21 days…

He still doesn’t get on SL, or personally answers skype. All I get is a black screen.

I write another long letter to him. I tell him how he’s hurting more than just me and I have to protect the people he’s entrusted me with. I warn him – I’m going to unpartner with him. I am going to have to ban him from my rentals. I’m going to remove his stuff from them too. (oh look, he has no prims out. Damnit!) I’m going to remove my stuff from his place.

I sent the rant to him… and I start by taking off my bond ring that I bought for us. I haven’t taken that off in a year and a half…

And I ban him from my lands… I pay for them.

If he logs in before the time limit is up, there are two women who are going to give him a piece or three of their minds.

If he doesn’t…

Our two year anniversary is in 10 days.

I don’t plan on being on SL on that day…

I don’t plan on being anywhere… except my bed.

His actions have spoken louder than words. I am on SL even sick. I have been doing everything that was requested of me for over a year, and then some.

I don’t even know if he wants me, because words are farts in the wind and actions are real.

EPVampire… don’t do this to me… to us… to Coyote and R and everyone else.

It’s your choice. I could beg you to come back, but where’s the point in that when I have been begging you to do so for weeks now.

Actions… your move.

@@&&%@@@$@$%# TOY!! RED!! I say RED!!!!

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