I didn’t do anything wrong, right?

This happened during a DJ set at a place that I no longer work at.  Originally posted on Fetlife “over a year ago.”


I was setting up for yet another DJ set in an empty sim when this person comes into the sim. I didn’t see them at first. I was in my other window, working on my dj set list, when I see them. So I say hi.

Hir: Hello moon
Hir: what’s wrong with SL today … SO empty!
Me: We have an event in 15 mins or so. I’m setting up for it

I switch back to my dj program and move another couple of songs around and I see their next question.

Hir: what kind of even? a gang bang, rape, execution, torture?
Me: Live DJs for 4 hrs. Trivia and Tails night.

I take a spin of my camera and the feel of the voice is male, but the avatar is female. My first thoughts was that this was a sissified sub.

Hir: O.O Exactly what someone would expect in a BDSM sim 🙂
Hir: .. I might drop by and check the DJ … (winks)

Okay, now I fire up their profile and start to dig through it to find out what they like. Wait… domme? Ohhhkay… No judging…

Hir: take care moon
Me: I am the DJ.
Hir: cool .. can we all breed the DJ?

Wait, what? Breed me? Why would someone want to breed me without at least a little rp first?

Hir: 🙂
Hir: (winks) I goto go … don’t be alarmed 🙂
Me: facepalm

Okay, you’re going to go. No big deal. People come and go during my sets all the time and it’s no big deal. The owners want three events a week at specific times so that friends and randoms can come and go as they please. They have the “if you build it, they will come.”

Mama-Allpa (F) V2.30: Hir has forced you to open!

HOLY SHIT!!!

I have a hud called “Mama-allpa.” MA is a hud to simulate the risk of pregnancy and more. When you go through a term, you end up with a prim baby for role play. I have a “forced” option and it was enabled at the time.

I’ve gone into misogyny sims and no one has done that to me like that. Two other times before did someone pull that stunt. One was at the Gor Hub, and I was standing right in front of my previous dom at the time. The other time, I was at a CFNM place and the guy was banned for being a douche.

The sim I was on, at that exact moment, was not a misogyny sim. Yes, it was a bdsm sim. It is NOT one where consent is implied by walking off the landing zone. It is an SSC/RACK one and consent must be gotten.

I started to shake.

I started to cry.

I was alone.

I was assaulted.

Yes, I know it’s pixels.

It’s the internet. It’s not real. Hir hasn’t actually touched me.

But a flood of emotions from my past hit me, in so many ways, and so hard. I can smell blood. My vision’s messing up. I hurt down there. I try to breathe away all the body memories and emotions hitting me at once.

I was SL raped by Hir. Raped, and the bastard leaves the sim. At least they didn’t “release” in me. EPVampire bred me a week ago, so that wouldn’t have happened. I wouldn’t be carrying some scumbuckets pixel baby in my avatar’s pregnancy hud.

I cut and pasted everything that happened and dropped it in B’s inbox. Next thing I knew B was on my head to make sure I’m okay.

“I thought Hir was a friend of yours.” I tell B Hir wasn’t a friend and after a quick conversation that B has with Hir, I find out that Hir is banned from the sim.

I’m shaking. Music is already playing. I have my avatar fall to her knees and as B talks to me, and continues to talk to me, I’ve texted EPVampire about what has gone on. B tries to repeatably get me into a hug, but I refuse him. There’s only one set of arms I want and I don’t even know if I can accept being in them.

Domly can’t get online fast enough. When he does, I’m still shaking, and he pulls me up into a dance with him. I spend the rest of my time Djing in domly’s loving arms.

Hir says: Moon, are you as stupid as B is trying to portrait you? Were you really offended by my joke?

Joke? Joke? We start combing through Hir’s profile. Not only does Hir claim to be a domme, but they refuse to take responsibility for their actions. Hir specifically states, after combing through several pics and paragraphs after paragraph, that they enjoy “raping” (read: breeding) girls and won’t be responsible for the babies they make. Hir goes on to state that they love dolcett and other fatalistic fetishes.

It was no joke, Domly agrees with me.

The owner of the sim gets into my inbox and tells me I should not have had the “force” option active. I just want to bawl at that point. That’s the equivalent of saying that I should not have worn those clothes, or had that drink, or been at that establishment or any number of second guesses. B wants to know why I don’t want to be in that sim anymore – I can’t abide by that sort of thinking, even from someone who has been a friend and mentor. That’s rape culture.

So I start to second guess what I did wrong. Analytically, I know that’s what victims of assaults do, no matter the assault. They second guess their actions forever. That’s not the right thing to do.

Apparently, after more digging through Hir’s profile, I didn’t say no quick enough. We found more vile information too. We’re pretty sure Hir is one of many alts.

If I didn’t say no quick enough, how quick should I have said it?

Why would I have had to say no in the first place when it’s an SSC/RACK sim and permission wasn’t asked for?

I should have never installed “force” in the first place.

I should never dj at a bdsm sim again.

I should walk away from SL.

I should … I should… I should…

EPVampire has permission to do anything he wants to me on SL, and almost anything off of SL if he ever gets to my side, or I to his. I am his. That’s what consent means to me. I’ve given him blanket consent so long as safewords are always in play. The main safeword of SL is hitting that big red X on the top right of my screen.

I didn’t get to say yes or no. I didn’t get to hit the button. I did my dj shift when all I wanted to do was run from the sim and SL.

There are real predators out there in SL. Real fiendish people who should be put behind bars. People who don’t see SL as anything but a simple game to play with foolish mortals who dare to be logged in at the same time. They don’t see the other avatars as actual people with feelings and emotions. There are sims out there that cater specifically to those types of people, and those willing to be the “victims” so that the predators can act out their psychotic fantasies. You know that when you log into those sims. There’s a safe zone, and once off the safe zone, you are a target, but you choose to be one because of what sort of sim it is.

I wasn’t on one of of those sims. It was not my fault. None of it. Hir is a predator looking for prey and I happened to be alone, and ripe for their sick use.

EPVampire is going to have the fun job of putting me back together. I know I’m going to try his patience with him reminding me over and over and over again that it wasn’t my fault.

Cause I need that.

It’s time for more tears.

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