Rock and Hard Place

I think it’s time for me to walk away…

Mum got into my inbox today and showed me some wonderfully expressive logs of something that was documented.

Coyote was spouting off to mutual friends of ours about how mum tried trancing her without consent.

What Coyote doesn’t realize is that I was there.

Coyote’s stalker had found her at the Fantasy Fair while she was DJing.  I got a 911 in my inbox, but by then I too was djing and couldn’t leave my set for her, so I turned my head, got Penalt’s eye in real life, and told him what happened and sent him to her.

As soon as I was able to make sure that YMO was safe for her to come, by getting mum to ban the sucker, I sent her a TP, and brought Pen too.

I kept the music going, but I was distracted by her franticness, by mum helping her, and more.  At one point, I know I started a calming trance with her and I’m pretty sure she said she like the YMO mantra…

Service is Obedience
Obedience is Pleasure
Pleasure is your Purpose
Your Purpose is Service
Follow the Spiral
Let the Control Program guide you
You need to relax into the trance
Let it guide you
Direct you
Show you the way

The top four lines is the mantra, the rest is the beginnings of an induction I try to use.  I was certain she was calmer and mum was talking to her.  The final suggestion was for her to take some pain killers and go to sleep, after working with her for upwards of two hours to calm down.  I’m pretty sure I asked mum to do her magic to help Coyote calm down.

Her stalker couldn’t get to her.  Her stalker was a non-issue.  At least three people in SL, as well as her real life husband, were all trying to calm her down and get her to go to bed.

Instead… mum today shows me the log of what Coyote has been saying to others about what happened that night.  There’s no context behind it.  There’s nothing really about how people were trying to help her calm down and more.

I feel hurt and betrayed.

Coyote is the daughter of my heart.  I’m her “domme” in SL when she lets me or needs me to be.  She and Penalt have a more intimate relationship.  We were described as having a “fluidic” relationship – depending on what the other needs, we adjust.  She is my “waifu” in SL, except… I don’t know if I can keep on supporting her.  When I look at her, except for the married part, I see a version of me that was in a way.

Right now, I can’t grok what I need to do.

My position at YMO has been affected by her.  I don’t know if I’ve lost mum’s trust.

This is what mum does – she trances people.  She gets good lindens and devoted followers who would do anything for a trance. You come to her, and there is a chance you will be tranced, either by her, or by one of the Hive Queens, or slip into a binaurally enhanced trance during Spitfire’s signature set.  This is what we do at YMO.  There is nothing wrong with it either.

Maybe she doesn’t know how to give consent? Or how to give up dominance anymore?

For the last… two years? Longer?  Ever since she started to play, I have been paying her monthly stream fees, so that she didn’t have to.  I was supporting her, fully, and completely that way.  There was a couple of months (less than 6… 4, maybe?) where I asked her for the stream costs because I was low on lindens and by the time I got some, the stream would be lost.

500L/month for 18 months (giving her the benefit of the doubt)… that’s at least 9000L, if not more, that I’ve supported her with to show her that I give a damn about what she does.

Now, I’m dealing with the fall out from what happened.  Mum is not pleased that Coyote has been going around behind her back without coming to mum in the first place.  I’m not pleased either, because I thought she was only upset because three of us told her to take pain killers and go to bed.  All of us agreed that sleep was what she needed.

Now I have this to deal with.

I don’t know what to do.

Loose a friendship of several years, or try to salvage it, when the other person doesn’t want to talk?  Stars only know what she’s saying to people about me behind my back.

my heart feels broke

I know I’m supposed to believe the victim, except I don’t know who is the victim.  Innocent until proven guilty.

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