Wind Up/Slipped away/Sand

Three shorter posts from Fetlife. First one, shows my brattiness at play.  These are in reverse order.  The oldest one is at the bottom.


Wind Up

Last night, Coyote and I were missing EPVampire so much, that we couldn’t hold back anymore. We had to make an effigy avatar of him for us to snuggle with because:

1: SL doesn’t allow multiple partners
2: we miss him so much
3: we want cuddles
4: for the lulz.

So, I fire up Second Life’s avatar generator and I pick an avatar at more or less random and lo and behold, EPVampire’s name is available without his legacy name. BINGO! ISH MINE NAO!

5 minutes later, he strides into the place where I’m testing out my new streaming ability, and Coyote starts having laughing fits.

Coyote’s breaking ribs from laughing her ass off. She partners with him because she had proposed to both EPVampire and I, and we both said yes. EPVampire was planning on making this toon anyway, but he’s in the hospital and I’m hoping he gets out cause he’s been in hospital way too much. Food poisoning sucks.

I run out and back, after handing Coyote the password, and she works on the avi a bit. I come back and it does take us a couple of hours to put him somewhat together…

EPVampire Effigy Snuggling with me

I get a text from hims and it scares the ever loving shit out of me. “I’m at the hospital. Dinna fuss. I’ve got salmonella. I’m fine. Fit ye be up to?”

SALMONELLA????

HOLY SHIT I COULD HAVE LOST HIM!

Panic down to a low rumble and I talk to him a bit.

“Dinna fuss. There be ton of bosies for us both when I get home, I promise.”

“Don’t worry, your effigy can give me bosies all night.”

“My effigy.”

“Yush”

“Fit’s my effigy?”

“Doesn’t matter. He’ll give me bosies.”

sighs “Not a good time to start winding me up.”

Of course, the brat in me see the giant key in the dom’s back and I’m twisting it… windwindwind I send him the picture above. “Can you see that? Cause now I’m getting all the dom bosies I need from him.”

Oh, I’m trouble now. giggles


Slipped Away

There is a saying that I apply to my sire – a child should not have to beg for a relationship with their parent. My sire never paid child support, never visited, and never took responsibility for the child he left behind. In my adult years, I have paid thousands of dollars and begged for a relationship with him.

Then Trump became a potential candidate, and I learned exactly what sort of man my sire was. Distance is best. An international border between us means the world to me now.

There’s another man in my life… and If I spin the saying above to match our relationship – a submissive should not have to beg for a relationship with their dominant.

He’s sick. He has family obligations. He has crappy net. There’s a storm. His modem fried. His net is down for non-payment. insert reason here

I’m supposed to stay with him. How can there be a relationship when one side is holding most of the burden?

I’m sick – I still am online for him, even if can barely sit upright. My family obligations are weighing me down – I still am online for him. I make sure I have damn good net so I can be online for him. If there’s a storm incoming, I make sure people know. I keep my modem in good working order. I keep my net paid up.

I’m not the only one who misses him, so I have that burden as well – making sure that the others who miss him are taken care of. I told him to log in and let us cuddle his avatar, coming and going as we please. He doesn’t even do that.

It has gotten to the point where Coyote and I even made an effigy avatar of him. She was breaking ribs from laughing too hard while I was trying to match his skin. After about a half hour, and about a thousand lindens, we put together a male avatar who is good enough to fire up by either of us and cuddle when we’re really missing him.

He said he would be on three days ago now. That he was feeling better….

I miss him so much. Why am I begging for a relationship when he doesn’t seem to want one?

…….

I just got a text from him. He’s at the hospital with salmonella poisoning.

I could have lost him!


The Sand Through His Fingers

I am doing a dj set every day this week, from the Sunday past till Friday.

I sent him an email with the schedule.

I dropped a notecard of the schedule on his head when he was last on.

I have im’ed him every day when the event is about to happen or is happening or has finished or any combination.

I had unblocked him on skype, but it doesn’t pick up.

I have done everything I can do on my end to get his help.

He’s not there.

He’s not here, right now, where I need him to be. Holding me up.

Instead, I hide in silence, for speaking would make my tears known.

One day a month – one shift – I can’t do. Real life rears it’s ugly head and the adulting I do could interfere. If I get back in time, I can dj.

I was able to get back in time. Coyote is on rest by order of husband.

And he’s not here.

Again.

I made enough lindens yesterday, djing at kinky sims to pay the tier on the parcel of land I rent for a month. He could have used that money for a slush fund to help upgrade his computer.

I know it’s not done on purpose. I know he doesn’t deliberately stay offline because he doesn’t want me. But it feels that way. It feels as if he is trying to avoid me. That I’m too much for him.

Maybe I’m too much for anyone. Too wild. To dommy, not subbie enough. Too kinky.

Wrong.

I’m slipping from his grasp like sand through his fingers.

I’ve lost everything.

I’m alone.

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