Hindsight

“I want you to post some stuff from your Fetlife writings,” says Spitfire, taking me aback. “That’s your task for tonight.”

I cringe, but obey, starting with my most recent, and working my way back. There are two years or more of posts about Ezee. You’ll see more posts from in the moment. A lot of posts of a crying babygirl wanting her daddydom. A lot of posts of a sub wilting away because the so-called dominant decided to disappear without a word to the sub that he was going to be gone.

I begged him to let me know before he’d take off to tell me he was going to take off and for how long.

I begged him for a single message a day from any sort of social media, and he would for a bit, then stop again. I wasn’t important enough to involve in his life.

Now, looking back, I see how he manipulated me and my emotions.

I still call out to him at night. I need that stopped. I need my Spitfire to be the only dominant I call out to when I’m having a bad moment, and maybe mum too. But not that turd that took two years of my life from me, begging me to forgive him over and over and over again, and I kept on falling for his line.

“Oh poor pitiful me” he’d say. “Everything is against me.”

After talking to the girl he had in the summer, and how she ejected him from her life, so he is to be pitied. *plays the world’s smallest violin* He has been given so many hands up, but he keeps on bitting the hand that wants to help.

Nothing I was doing was getting through unless it came with dollar signs that would benefit him. I’ll never see any of that ever again. Lesson learned. Walk away. So I am.

I’ll keep on reposting everything from Fetlife. Maybe someone can learn something from it. It’s all going to be posted from most recent to most ancient, and hopefully, without duplicates.

Spitfire… forgive me? You’re who I want, but he’s still got a hold of my subconscious somewhere. I need to cut him out. Help me? Please?