Changes

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Spitfire is busy with her work for the week, and convenient forgot to tell me, but I was sure it was going to come up soon anyway.

The more my life changes, the more it stays the same. Once again, my diet has to be evaluated and re-evaluated.

As I sit, temporarily alone in the castle at the new YMO sim, my avatar is about as fidgety as I am in real life. I’m researching and more as to what I should eat and why, and what path I should take.

I know this is going to get out to him sooner or later, and I know he’s going to gloat about it, and I’m certain it will be used to taunt me and more by those who wish to see my downfall, but I’m finally bringing it up here, because then there is no weapon to use against me.

When I was 12, I was diagnosed with major food allergies. My diet at the time was apples, milk, and rice. I think I had a protein source at the time, but nothing that I could eat on a daily basis. The first three months elimination diet was a pita and it was the hardest thing I had to do. Back then, diet alternatives were few and far between. You had to go to the health food store to find anything. The irony was that it was raisins from the health food store that caused me to have my first sets of hives. Rice cakes became my staple. The dietitian at the time couldn’t even figure out a diet for me because mine was so limited with minor, major, and potentially anaphylactic foods to deal with.

It was torture. Trying to have an allergy free diet in the early 80’s when the school was not even looking at peanut allergies was bad enough. The bullying I got also made things impossible. By 6 months, chocolate, eggs, and a few other foods were reintroduced. By the three year mark, I had a “normal” diet again, but had to avoid legumes, shellfish, black teas, and coffee.

I know – allergic to coffee? How horrible! It was so bad that for years, I couldn’t go into coffee shops because the very smell would affect my breathing. Now, I can, but I still feel horrid afterwards.

Shellfish is still my bane.

I also had environmental allergies to deal with. They used some sort of cleaning thing on the desks all throughout my schooling till I graduated. If I found white powder on my desk after a cleaning, I had to go and get some wet paper towels and wipe it off. That stuff would make my arms blister and burn, but no one else in the class would react to it. Whether it was an allergy or what, I am not completely certain, but it annoyed me more than anything

When I was 15, I was officially diagnosed with hypoglycemia. I was counselled by my doctor at the time to just keep my sugar up and I’ll be fine. My so-called loving mother had theorized I had it back when I was 4, and the confirmation at 15 was her victory lap. I had begged my doctor then and there for a glucometre and he refused. “You’re not diabetic. You don’t need it. Just keep your sugars up.”

Trying to keep my sugars up all these years meant keeping candies and chocolates at an arm’s length, in case I felt woogy, shaky, or just plain off. Injuries happened, and lack of activity made me gain weight. I used a cane for years – I still do when I’m not sure of my footing. I was in a mobility scooter for a bit, and got out of it, and I plan on staying out of them.

I walk in pain. My hip, my knees, my back… all from repeated falls and car accidents where I was a passenger.

In truth – a lifetime of scars, and more, have reared up and whalloped me. I have to investigate a new diet and a new way of life, and, even though I have lost a good 35lbs since separating from my husband, I need to loose more.

I’m actually glad he’s gone from my house. He would sneak foods into the meal that I should not eat. Since he’s been gone, my IBS attacks have gone way down. I would have never done what he did to the food that was prepared. I would have never put food in that I knew my spouse was allergic to. This is a heinous act by anyone. How many times could he have killed me if he had prepared things wrong?

I saw my doctor on Thursday. I was expecting to be told everything was fine and dandy and that I could concentrate on keeping my kidneys healthy. Small problem – this was the second elevated fasting glucose I had in less than a month.

So, I’m putting this out there, and if it is used to taunt me or laugh at me, or in any negative way used against me, the person who is doing it does not deserve any sympathy.

I have received a pre-diabetic diagnosis. I have a chance of reversing this if I can lose more weight, according to my doctor. I am not on any medications just yet. In truth, it isn’t the weight loss, but a dietary change that needs to be done. The weight will come off if the dietary change happens.

But which sort of dietary change should I go for? A diabetes diet? A keto diet? A low carb diet? I’m at a loss for what I should do and how I should go about doing it. Research is happening and it’s on several prongs.

My first stage of research is to find out what sort of foods I can eat AND don’t aggravate my allergies, AND don’t aggravate my ibs. My second stage of research is how to improve my overall lifestyle. My third has been done in basics.

Did you know there are actually more than the three types of diabetes that are commonly known? The first type – Type 1 or juvenile diabetes – is what a friend of mine has. The second type is far more common, and Type 2 is often “blame the victim” by medical professionals and more, except you can be slim and have it, or fat and not have it. It’s so much easier to blame the victim than to properly educate and encourage patient cooperation in their own health care, especially when medicos infantilize patients.

There’s also gestational diabetes. I have a few dozen words to say about making pregnant women for the last several decades guinea pigs for a very dangerous test. The last diabetes that exists is one that only newborns get. It’s very rare, and they often grow out of it and it is not Type 1.

But, apparently, there are other types of diabetes. Diabetes from injuries to the pancreas. Diabetes from kidney disease (hmmm). Diabetes from pancreatic cancer. A type 1.5 which is a completely new type. I don’t know enough of it to give a valid opinion. There’s other research that shows that diabetes has clusters and what is grouped as Type 1 and Type 2 are actually several subvariants. The information is fascinating and I’m trying to parse it.

I’m also looking at dietary changes, more specifically what foods do I like that I can have that won’t be detrimental to my sugar levels. Yes, I have a glucometre now. I call it my “personal pain procurement protocol.” I have been following the advice of other diabetics on when to take sugar levels. The only one I have to do is first thing in the morning. I’ve been taking other readings to find out what food I can eat.

I’ve already had a few cries over food. Poutine!! Poutine is now bad food. I love Poutine! It’s my Canadian Comfort Food!

Tortellini is right out. So is all other pasta, unless it’s balanced with proteins. Rice may be out, but there’s hints that rice is fine. It’s what sort of rice I’m eating. Legumes are gone because of my food allergies, so is shellfish – anything that should or does have a shell. So now it’s a matter of find out what foods I can have, and how to make them.

I had made popovers yesterday and took my sugar levels before, an hour after, and two hours after that. I used a different type of flour, and lo and behold, my levels didn’t skyrocket like they did with Tortellini. However, my morning smoothie I like to make, I’m going to have to tweak it to make it not spike my sugars. The berries I put in it are fine. It’s the yogurt and milk I use that might be the problem. I hope it isn’t the banana.

1% milk is kinda okay, but I can’t have as much as I used to have all at once. I don’t think I can ever go down to skim milk. I’ve tried. And I don’t like soy or almond milk.

I can add nuts to my diet. Chicken is fine. So now, I am trying to figure out what foods I can eat that are part of the Venn diagram of diabetes-friendly/ibs- friendly/kidney-friendly/allergy free or low. I don’t need to stay in the centre, so long as at least the allergy free portion is kept priority. It’s which of the other three are also a priority? The other problem is – will these foods be teen-friendly and will they eat them?

Spitfire’s been feeling impotent about this entire thing. She can’t help me directly, and long distance she can barely cope with the deluge of emotions I’ve gone through in the last few days. We’ve had a few arguments over it, mostly because I needed someone, anyone, to ask me how I feel about the diagnosis, instead of what I have been getting, which has been people telling me to do X, Y, and Z and things will be fine. I needed someone to soak up my tears and let me cry. I got on voice with Spitfire, and I know she could hear my tears, but I couldn’t unburden to her. I still haven’t had anyone ask me. This blog post barely touches the gaunlet of emotions I’ve gone through.

However, Spitfire did make me a chart I can stick in my bullet journal for my blood glucose levels. That one thing she did has helped me more than being my tear soaker. I can print up as many copies as I need and fill them in to my heart’s content. It has more than blood glucose, but also other symptoms to mark out, and keep track of. I think that made her feel a lot better about not being able to help me directly. I hope she’ll make more charts I can stick in my bullet journal to fill in.

See, because I was diagnosed hypoglycemic at 15, there’s a theory that I have always been “prediabetic” but the medical community didn’t care because I didn’t need insulin and my sugars kept low. I still don’t, but I do need to watch my sugars like a hawk now.

Mum knows, and she gave me some advice. So has the diagnosed diabetic in the group. So have others. I know a lot of it is well-meaning, but until I can get to the diabetes clinic locally, I am on my own. Yes, I have the option to go to the drop in tomorrow, but my actual appointment isn’t for several weeks. Paying for the strips I have to use sucked, but at least I’m not in the US where diabetes supplies runs to several thousand dollars. Still, that was $100 I shouldn’t have had to spend, but it will help me figure out what I can safely eat.

The image at the start of the post? I have a tattoo that now matches Spitfire, but not quite. I was going to hold off wearing it till she does her first signature set, but I couldn’t wait.