In the last month, I have rediscovered my voice. My health has improved. My spine has become titanium. I am not quite thriving yet, but I will be. My two older kids have said that I’ve visibly lost weight, so, even though the scale hasn’t budged much in two weeks, stuff is still falling off. I kinda of figure that had happened, when the $80 bra I had bought and worn only once almost a year ago no longer fit me.
I have spoken with my lawyer, and am following their advice.
I have support from Spitfire and the rest within the family group. I might feel as if I am the emotional equivalent of a person with a 3rd degree burn all over their body, and extremely tough for them to handle and my emotions may be all over the place, but I am better off for being away from my husband. The flurry of emotions will slow down.
I still want marital counselling and to try to rectify this, but he’s the one digging his heels in. He is done with me, after 18 years of being the person who brought in the base income for the household, before the addition of extra people on the income coming in, all in my name. For 18 years, especially the last decade, he didn’t have to work if he didn’t want to, and could take part-time and under the table jobs if he wanted them. He’s been called a “cash cow” since he left. How very wrong. He described himself years ago about how he felt guilting living off of my income, with his as extra money.
If anyone was the family’s main source of income, I was.
Doesn’t matter now. He’s on his own, my health has improved dramatically, now that I’m no longer eating what he would feed me, or stress eating because of him. I no longer have almost constant acidic taste in my mouth from stress of being around him, and other body issues I was having are pretty much gone too.
Instead of making sure his kids were okay, he’s planning on buying a car with the money for his new job. Those kids come before his wants, and a car is a want. This is going to be a harsh lesson for him to learn.
As for the kids, they don’t want to visit right now. Maybe in a few weeks, once school is settled, and we’ve had at least one court or mediation date. Smart judges know that you can not force a teenager to see a parent if they don’t want to. They know where he is and where he works. If they wanted to see him, they’d do it.
The way he treats me in his text messages is rude, disrespectful, and not condusive to a “business-like relationship” that we supposedly now have. Until he learns to treat me like a human being, and use his manners, there’s no way we can have a conversation.
I need to dig into my archives to find a specific broadcast I did to use to audition for a radio station.
“You do realize the job is in (city)?”
“Yes, and that’s only a half hour away.”
I used to commute up to almost three hours a day for school or work. A round trip of an hour wouldn’t be that bad. I’d just need good tires and brakes when winter comes. It’s predicted to be a nasty one this year.
Technically, I have a “job,” but it’s a stop gap. It’s not something I actually want to do, and I haven’t even had my training session for it. I don’t know if I actually want it, but it’s something.
Wednesday, I go for my second job training interview. I hope I get this one, cause they pay you to take their training. The other one expected you to take it without being paid for it.
As for money… between my gofundme, my paypal, being handed directly, and my disability cheque, and the child tax credit finally coming in even though it was way late, I managed to pay down all my bills but one, and that one is not that bad. I think I can ask for an extension.
In short, because of the generosity of others and my own normal funds coming in:
My rent and electric bill are paid.
My car repair paid in full.
Car payment made, and the date moved to when I can guarantee payment.
Cel phone paid off – we have cels for our safety. The girls because they have been bullied, and I in case I fall while out and about. Because I paid those off, I was able to get a cel phone for my son too.
Home telecommunications paid down – that includes the internet and home phone.
Food in the fridge and freezer.
School Supplies Bought.
New outfit for each child bought.
Steel toed boots for my son were found, but are slightly too small.
I didn’t pay off all the bills and one rolled and gave me a heart attack when I saw it. I had not budgetted for having to buy my son a new cart for his paper route, or all the gas I had been using in order to run around and get resources. Or other little bits here and there that needed to be paid.
Now, a new month, I have to hold onto every penny like it’s gold, when I need to pay school fees, lost books, and more. My only hope is that there will be more generous people helping me get through it. My gofundme, in my real name, is still out there. If you want to, I do accept money through my paypal: firstname.lastname@example.org. Anything helps.
My only bit of breathing room is knowing that yes, he owes me child support, and he will be required to pay from the day this all started. I’ll never be able to repay all the generosity I’ve been shown, but I do hope to pay it forward.
Sooo… scammers have tried to hit me with my last dollar. I even had to call up Fraudsters Canada for one. UGH. My ability to catch them has been compromised by the survival mode I’ve been put in.
I honestly don’t think I ever really left it from my 20’s. It just got to be a whisper instead of a constant freak out which it is now.
Job scams locally. Money scams locally. Job scams on the internet. Money scams on the internet. They haven’t stopped. My credit is good enough now, that I could get a quickie loanshark loan.
The one scam that has pissed me off was the one that hit my instagram today. 1340 magazine has “people” combing instagram for #art tags and they tried to scam me. Featured artist? Pay you to be in your magazine?
Yes, I fell over laughing.
My image on instagram? it was a work in progress – horrid pencils, and the hands weren’t right and and and… It’s not fit for anything.
I am a paid, published artist. It might have been a long time ago, way before injuries to my hands have made it hard for me to draw like I used to, but I was paid for it. The last time someone tried to get me to do work for free, they were reminded of Canadian copyright, and any work I had done was still 100% MINE until paid for. Even before that, one magazine tried to claim copyright in perpetuity of my one piece they had published. No contract, no go. I owned it, and the original still has my grade from high school on it. I have since published that piece several times.
Gorramit… taking advantage of people in a desparate situation really ticks me off.
1340magazine? Go suck a rotten egg.
Wednesday – another interview with a job training program. This one pays people to be a part of their program. I match their quota, so I should be able to get in.
Tuesday, however, is the first day of school for the kids. I’m counting the seconds. Once their schedules are figured out, I can possibly find something to do for work. Something part-time is all I really need. Something full-time might be too much for me, not with court coming up and more.
Hello, World! Missed me?