This happened a year ago. This is what happens when someone doesn’t take being blocked as “go away.” I’m still badly burnt by this man, and he gets banned on any and all sims I spend time on. His obsession was so fubared that Coyote is still concerned for her safety. So am I, except I have an international border between me and him.
Domlypanties wasn’t there to stop him. He didn’t care about how his beta was under daily attack. He didn’t care about her. Hindsight is 20/20. I should have left him so much sooner.
The dark text is my words. The lighter is his lies.
Lessons in backhanded apologies or: The stalker who swears he isn’t stalking
I am writing this post because of a stalker that Coyote and I have been dealing with for the better part of a year. He became obsessed with her on SL. He stalked her from sim to sim, following her work schedule, and mine, in order to be near her, because where I was, she usually wasn’t that far behind. Then when she had blocked him, he would still try to get reactions from her by showing up where he knew I was..
But when he found her social media outside of SL, that scared the FUCK out of both of us. I ended up blocked by him. Hmm… I wonder why? Is it cause he’s a snow angel and I’m a dirt devil? I know the truth, but that makes me dirty, whereas his happy little lies keeps him lilly white?
One would think that repeated bans, and people telling him to get lost, would have given him the clue. Nope. Read on. These are HIS words.
(Revised) Beware of vipers in your midst!
I started this post with the following statement…
**I know what you are, and you don’t frighten me one bit. I
know what you’re agenda is. I know you for the meddling,
manipulative, sociopath that you are. I’ve grown to understand you.**
Dude… this is slander. Or libel? I forget which. And cyber bullying. Illegal where I live, no matter where you live.
I followed with a list of impressions of you that, lacking any personal knowledge of you, were slanderous and not appropriate for me to suggest.
I should have seen the original version, but you’re too much of a coward to have kept it up. Good to know I can track back why I’ve lost gigs to your words.
After reading my post back, I realized I was far too harsh. I allowed myself to do to you, what you had done to me. I slandered you without actually knowing you. It doesn’t look any more attractive on me than it does on you and I sincerely apologize. The original post sprung from anger and pain, and I was wrong to submit it.
Dude, my original, and only conversation with you in private, became a gaslighting freakshow. You manipulated the conversation, manipulated me, and threw a tantrum when you couldn’t get your way. Then you got worse. We quit a place because you would break the rules you promised to live with in order to see her. You knew you weren’t allowed to be there when either of us were, yet you repeatedly came to her sets.
I have never had the opportunity to get to know you. So, with that being said, I don’t know what or who you are. I don’t know your agenda. I’m not a mind reader. Are you meddling, manipulative, sociopathic? Your actions might suggest you are, but I don’t know you well enough to say. I shouldn’t judge based on impressions, and to be honest, I don’t understand you at all. Motives are difficult things to determine. Why you chose to do the things you’ve done I can’t say. Your actions are all I have to go by, and my judgment of your actions stands. I do, however, apologize for my personal attack on you. I was out of line, and that’s not who I am.
You call this an apology?????
If this is the apology, I’d hate to read what your original version said!
I came to SL to make friends, not enemies. I tried my best to be conciliatory when you first launched your campaign of hatred against me. I think you might have seen that as a sign of weakness. I didn’t want us to be adversaries. You rejected that outreach and even carried your attacks into SIMS that Coyote and I enjoyed together in better times. Why we couldn’t co-exist in a spirit of tolerance and respect, I’ll never know. I tried many times to petition the manager of the SIM for just that. Little did I know that the manager was your long time friend from “The Old Guard” and ill-equipped to be an objective arbitrator. I feel he should have recused himself from the situation because of a conflict of interest. But now that I’ve given you and Coyote what you wanted and left the SIM, I guess it’s all ancient history.
The manager you are talking about was giving you as much rope as you needed in order to hang yourself by. I have the multiple post rant you gave when you left the last place where I dj at. You whined and whimpered trying to get attention. Did you realize that we laughed at it when we read it? If I had been online at the time, I would have booted you from the group, documented up everything, and handed it to the manager in question to get you a permanent ban from the mansion. Your tirade about the theme of one event was mocked.
The manager in question gave you more than enough chances to behave. As for The Old Guard, you were banned from there as soon as we talked to the female owner. The manager was not involved in that decision at all. The manager of the other place you managed to convince that you were being deceived by me, well, I haven’t told her that you found Coyote’s social media outside of SL yet. I think she would be in shock if she found out.
It was what I had warned her about.
You tested my patience. You tore into me because you couldn’t get what you wanted. You harassed me while I was working sets and trying to DJ and be service oriented, and you made it worse than hard or challenging. You made it impossible. You chased patrons away. You have affected my livelihood, and in conjunction, you’ve affected Coyote’s. If I can’t pay for our streams, we can’t Dj. We rely on tips. Without them, we can’t play. If we can’t play, we can’t earn lindens to pay for our streams.
You affected that. I have been struggling for months to keep everything paid up and solvent. I’ve had to give up my land and more just so that I have enough lindens to keep our streams paid for.
That manager held me back, repeatedly, from screaming at you, or doing what I could do as a staff member. He tried to stay neutral, but you couldn’t help yourself. You had to cause drama and play the victim.
**You once told me. “Do I demand she [Coyote] serves me as a slave? No. She is very much my equal partner in all things.”**
She is equal to me in all aspect because she is. I care for her. She cares for me. We love each other and you have been trying to destroy a 7 year relationship because you couldn’t have what you wanted: her.
I accused you of lying, but in reality, I don’t know all of the dynamics of your relationship with Coyote so I may be wrong, although, on its face, your statement did not seem to ring true. It does appear that if your statement were true, she would have had a voice of her own and would not have depended on you to do all her talking for her. It is also true that, often, through psychological abuse, a victim begins to believe they are wrong in their judgments and will turn to a gaslighter for solutions to their problems. Is this what’s happening here io? I guess only you and Coyote know for sure.
She tried to get you to stop. You kept on coming and then abused her by not stopping. You crossed from “man I don’t like” to “stalker” last August. You crossed it again when friends of hers were telling you to leave her alone, and instead you manipulated them. You crossed it yet again when you ranted on a group where we’re staff. Now, because of her social media, you have crossed from SL stalker to Real Life stalker and that scares the shit out of all of us who love Coyote with a passion. We don’t want to see her hurt, yet, here you go again, hurting her.
Why do you want to hurt the person you say you love? That’s not love.
**I went on to write…Where are we different? Unlike you, I believe that my friend is bright and capable enough to search for her own truth, recognize the truth when she sees it, and can act on it without you’re meddling and power over her.**
I believe friends and family back each other up and help when someone can’t handle a problem, or won’t. She asked for my help. You have repeatedly accused me of manipulating her. You found her social media. And mine. And you blocked me. Dude…. I haven’t blocked you. I’m the only way you can talk to Coyote.
You won’t. Not if I have any say in it.
I hope with all my heart that I am dead wrong io. I hope we are not so different after all when it comes to Coyote. I hope that you do sincerely love her. Oh, I’m not talking about the roles that you and her play in SL. I’m talking about the real person that coyote is. I hope that you recognize all of her strengths and beautiful qualities and try to nurture in her goodness and decency.
Actions speak louder than words. I love her so much, I’m still willing to take a bullet for her. You “love” her so much, you want to, and are, squishing the life out of her. That isn’t love.
To me, Coyote had an ethical obligation to confront me herself if she wanted our relationship to end, but it seemed like you denied her that opportunity which did make it appear that, you do not consider her “an equal partner in all things.” Coyote’s reticence seemed to indicate that, to you, she is weak and not up to the task of speaking for herself.
She had no ethical obligation to confront you. She said her goodbyes last August. You didn’t listen. You didn’t hear. You chased her throughout SL. You found her in other social medias. You didn’t get the hint. You wouldn’t leave her alone.
Why are you trying to kill the one you say you love?
Those who would victimize the trusting, exploit the vulnerable, and corrupt the good, are bottom-feeders of the worst kind. I still stand by this statement, but I hope beyond hope that it doesn’t apply to you.
You say these things, but you know not what they mean.
This revised post is my attempt to take my submission which was nonproductive and re-channel it in a more productive direction. Mea Culpa!
Revised? It’s slanderous.
You can call me a stalker if that serves your purpose. You can say I’m obsessed. All I can do is assure you that I am not a stalker and have no designs on Coyote, and would never do her harm. Obsessed? Well, if it’s obsessive to care about someone…then I plead guilty. Coyote was one of the sweetest, most genuinely wonderful people I met in SL. She was one of my very first friends. I truly cared about her. She was more than a two-dimensional avatar; she was a real person; a good person. I will always think of her as a friend and will always be praying for her and wishing her happiness.
There’s a saying: if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours, take care of it and love it. If it doesn’t, it never was yours. I set Coyote free, and she keeps on coming back to me, or she calls me to come to her. You refuse to set her free, and she keeps on running away from you.
You’re destroying the one thing you say you love, that you say you’ll always be their friend. Why are you doing that?
Dude, first off, she’s married in real life. She will never leave him for you, because her husband treats her the same way I do: we set her free to do as she pleases and she comes back to us.
Dude… your backhanded apology is sick and twisted. Coyote tried to say goodbye almost a year ago, and yet you still pursued her. She had you banned from her places of employment, and still does, yet you continued to chase and pull the sympathy card at every turn.
It has taken all my patience to NOT go ballistic on your ass because of the stress you’ve put her under. A woman has no ethical obligation to confront anyone – especially when she’s under duress or scared of harm by the person in question. You’ve caused her massive grief and anxiety to the point of her having to go to the police. Your post on Facebook was removed only after my real life husband told you off about your stalkerish behavior. I didn’t have to ask him to do that. He was happy to help a friend of ours.
See, Coyote and I have been friends outside of SL for at least 7 years, if not longer. She is my friend, my “daughter,” my “waifu” in SL, and more because she chooses to be. I don’t chase after her. I don’t tell her she has to have a relationship with me. I don’t tell others that people are preventing me from being with her. She’s free to come and go as she pleases. She’s free to be herself around me, because I don’t want her to be anything but herself. I want her happy.
You, however, made her break her block with you long enough to tell you to back off of both of us and then you give this backhanded apology? Dude, saying (t)hose who would victimize the trusting, exploit the vulnerable, and corrupt the good, are bottom-feeders of the worst kind. I still stand by this statement, but I hope beyond hope that it doesn’t apply to you” is a backhanded apology at best.
I’ve always had Coyote’s best interests at heart, even if it means having to let her go and never seeing her again. You, however, can’t let go, and you’ve drawn me into your drama because I said no.
The next time a woman says to get lost, it might not be as polite as what Coyote said to you.
The irony about all of this? I had my own sort of stalker who lurves me so much, he would do anything for me. Mine had a kid glove on one hand and a boxing glove on the other. He would ply me with sympathies and pities, plying on my emotions, and then the moment I said no to anything, would attack me. Nor was it always the same time that he would attack me. Thankfully, he was on the other side of a computer screen.
He’s blocked. Every time I see that he’s found any of my social media, I block him. Hard. With extra prejudice. I want nothing to do with him. Only cowards attack a woman who is being kind, loving, caring, and even knit for them.