Christmas

For the first time in ages, I did not have to cook for a small army. Yes, I know I got given Christmas meals the last few years from a sponsorship, but I used to have to do the shop and help cook the meal. We always shared it too. My ex also used to do turducken and that was how he showed off.

So, for the first time in a long time, I didn’t have to think about making a dinner for even myself, or for anyone one else. Nor did I have to worry about presents.

I did get a Christmas present I wasn’t expecting…

The backlash from my children…

They had found out at some point between my arrival and Christmas that I had left.

“You abandoned us!” The screams of outrage at how dare I leave without letting them know tore through my heart and rendered me unable to cope. I spent the day in tears, with Princess Sophia cuddling up against me. Black Ort and Lyra both saw some of the messages from my children and the advice I was given was harsh, but it was necessary.

I muted my children.

I did not abandon them. Yes, I kept it quiet because I had to in order to escape. They had chosen to abandon me months earlier. Their gaslighting skills were in full force. The original email from their father and how I expedited their change of address was fully justified by those that know what was going on. All the little details that I didn’t even keep.

So, on Christmas day of all days, I got told off for abandoning them, for “trying to buy their love” and everything else they could throw at me.

I had to do what I had to do in order to be a person and not a shell.

Black held me when I cried. He let me rant. He was the ear I needed, and he promised me therapy would start as soon as our quarantine was over. I had one more week to wait.

One more week…