As I sit here and type, I look back at the last 60ish days of 2020.
I spent November packing, sorting, and getting rid of my things and filling my children’s rooms with their stuff. I rehomed the guinea pigs – Neo and Winter went to a friend of a friend. Silo and Muffin went to the school the kids had all gone to for elementary school, and were now beloved class pets. I think I did the right thing by allowing them to go there, to be loved by kids for years to come. My heart broke when Silo and Muffin went with both of their cages, but I know they will be well taken care of.
Black Ort and I began to talk. A plan was formed. He offered to allow me to snowbird with friends of his and be warm for winter, instead of completely homeless. I would be a wanted member of a kink friendly household with furries and more. I agreed. A flight was booked.
I kept on packing. And packing. And packing.
I asked the one kid who was trying to have a relationship with me if they needed a computer. She hemmed and hawed and said that her sibling needed one more. I made a note of that she actually did but didn’t want me to just buy her one.
Not that I was going to.
I kept packing and sorting and my three neighbors would take shifts helping me. Doing it by myself was emotionally devastating. Doing it with Marie, Krista, or Summer (not their real names)? We could clear out a room!
My kitchen was shut down by the end of November. I was eating from a local meals on wheels for seniors and more by then. I ate well, but not healthy for me. Not really. My sugars were spiking all over the place. I was having heart palpitations and had to up my beta blockers to control the chest pain.
Every day, Black Ort would zoom me for hours on end. I would pack and sort till 6pm with either Krista or Marie when they were available, and Summer came in during the last weeks to help clean the place.
The airline changed my flight. More money was spent. Instead of one night at a hotel, it was going to be one and a half. More planning was made. US currency was bought.
Black Ort and I kept on talking. I spoke to him of my fears. Of what happened with the kids. He had seen some of their manipulations directed at me and heard what they called him. “Nasty Man” was the tip of the iceberg.
My CERB/CRB got cancelled for a second time and I began to try to get my money. That was what I needed for the trip and for the month I was planning on staying. Distressed, I told him about it. In response, he sent me some money so I could keep my car gassed up and pay for my storage of both my car and my property.
Of course, factoring in Canadian vs American currency, and I had extra.
On Saturday, of the last weekend, the one kid of mine had asked for some time with me. I said yes, but I had to stay in isolation and couldn’t tell her why. I spun a tale of becoming homeless without any chance of housing and how I had an open road and would be leaving, but yes, I was essentially homeless. I explained that the landlords, by their grace, had given me an extra month. We went shopping and I bought her things she wanted because her Christmas present I had ordered was stuck in limbo at the post office.
The next day, my middle kid wanted the same thing, so I took them out to a hairdressing store and bought them all the supplies they had wanted to redo their hair any way they wanted.
Then, Monday, while I was out shopping, my eldest bumped into me at his work while I was buying a few last minute things I needed for my hotel stay. I said goodbye to him too without actually saying goodbye.
See, I wasn’t lying. I was going to be homeless. Staying with a friend? That’s still homelessness.
I woke up the morning of Wednesday the 16th crying.
That was the last night I would ever sleep in the same room where my ex husband had sat on the edge of the bed and cried his eyes out, begging me not to call the cops on him because he had just sexually assaulted me. The last night that I would ever be in the room where he made me bleed. Where his sadistic pleasure counted and my needs were only met if it fulfilled his desire to hurt me.
That was the last night I would be in that townhouse.
I closed the door that day after making sure everything was packed as I could and went to the hotel.
I sank into the tub and luxuriated in being able to cover my knees AND breasts.
Thursday, I woke up and went back to the townhouse to grab the last few things for storage, and find the power supply to my CPAP. Yes, I have to use one of those.
I closed the door again, locking it this time, and wandered down to the landlord’s office.
There, I had a complete breakdown over everything. I begged the manager to not force me to go back in there for a final inspection. She and I spoke at length as to what was left behind for the kids.
Krista had my sewing machines and her children had grabbed my tv. Marie had grabbed my kitchenaid and had sold it for money. Summer took things she needed too. I had taken my computer and reset it to factory standards and put it and all the parts except for the mouse up in my youngest’s room for her to have. I explained this all to the manager. I told the workmen that my desk – my desk of 35 years – was to go to a kid who really needed a desk after refinishing. It was the one thing my mother and I did together that I had been proud of, but I had no room to store it in my tiny storage unit.
I had been told that some of the stuff I had donated in September to the landlords, the Lions Club, had been given to a young girl of about 12, and she was so grateful it was given to her, that she was in tears over it. That broke my heart. My kids were so spoiled, they didn’t even know what they had.
My car was taken to storage and a good friend is now in charge of keeping my stored items safe. I was upset that my son did not have his second level license – I would have allowed him to have the car while I was gone, with some stipulations.
I went back to the hotel and spent an hour in the shower cleaning the dirt, dust and grim off me. I ate. I tried to rest and sleep. Black Ort and I zoomed. I made a tik tok about choices.
Then the cab came and I went to the airport.
Part deux in a day or so.